Barbie Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken Doll

Posted on November 4, 2009. Filed under: Odd Websites | Tags: , , |

No, really. I thought it was a joke. Which demographic is Mattel appealing to? Who wants to play with a Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken Doll?

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In the Trunk

Posted on March 23, 2009. Filed under: Faith, Fun Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , |

I hear a bad joke this weekend. Put your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car. Drive around town for a couple of hours. Now, stop and open the trunk. Which one do you think is happy to see you?

I’d credit that joke to the appropriate sourse; I think it was on Prairie Hom Companion this weekend. At first, I thought it was one of those inappropriately funny jokes, where only a few people laugh.

But it crossed my mind a couple of times since then. When it comes to biblical forgiveness, what message does this joke have for you? Hoave you ever been put “in the trunk” or put someone else there? How does one move past such an event without active forgiveness?

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

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The Leader

Posted on July 10, 2008. Filed under: Personal Stuff | Tags: , , , |

Margaret Feingold, author of the Organic God, dropped a short note on her Facebook account today. It’s an old joke -

S. I. McMillen, in his book None of These Diseases, tells a story of a young woman who wanted to go to college, but her heart sank when she read the question on the application blank that asked, “Are you a leader?”

Being both honest and conscientious, she wrote, “No,” and returned the application, expecting the worst. To her surprise, she received this letter from the college:

“Dear Applicant: A study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1,452 new leaders. We are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follower.”

Got me to thinking about what exactly a leader is. In the case of the university story, everybody says they’re a leader because it’s a requirement for admission. In reality, few people show true leadership: have a vision, communicate it, implement it.

Reminds of of one of my very favorite poems (and that says a lot since I don’t particularly care for poems), “The Leader” by Roger McGough:

The Leader

I wanna be the leader
I wanna be the leader

Can I be the leader?
Can I? I can?
Promise? Promise?

Yippee I’m the leader
I’m the leader

OK what shall we do?

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Flip-Flop Again

Posted on April 16, 2007. Filed under: Politics | Tags: , , , , , |

I haven’t looked into the 2008 Presidential season yet, it’s too early. Hillary makes me shudder, Obama doesn’t have any experience, and no republicans have really stepped forward.

Afterwards, while answering a question from a viewer on the program YOUR SHOW about why he chose not to run, Kerry said he had decided it wasn’t the right time.

“Could that change?” Kerry said. “It might. It may change over years. It may change over months. I can’t tell you, but I’ve said very clearly I don’t consider myself out of it forever.”

But today, John Kerry, who earlier ruled out a Presidential run, this weekend said he might change his mind. That’s too funny. Can you imagine all the “I decided not to run for President before I decided to run for President” jokes? I can’t imagine Kerry capturing the hearts of the Democrats who will see his reputation for flip-flopping on issues and previous Presidential loss as a liability. And then to “flip-flop” or waffle on whether even to run for President? That’s just going to be fun fodder for his opponents.

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Exercise Confidence

Posted on November 5, 2006. Filed under: Bible Study | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Do you recognize those words? The Little Engine That Could, carrying a trainload of toys over the mountain. The load was so heavy and the journey was so long, the Little Engine was ready to give up. Defeated. I can’t do this, the load is too heavy. Then what happened? The Little Engine found courage, confidence, and strength to carry on. I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could.

We’ve spent the last two months learning how Jesus is better. Better than angels, better than Moses, better than Levitical priests, a better sacrifice, a better covenant. We’ve listened to how we should place our faith in Jesus because He is better than anything else we can know. Hebrews chapter 1 through the middle of chapter 4 tells about God’s Word. From there to about the middle of chapter 10, we learned about God’s Work.

With this faith in Jesus, how shall we live? The next four weeks in the month of November, the rest of the book of Hebrews answers the question, “So what?” So what if Jesus is better? What does that have to do with me? And today’s lesson will describe the confidence we find when we totally give ourselves to Jesus, our perfect sacrifice and advocate in heaven.

Diane has to listen to my occasional complaints about work; I try not to complain too much, but I find sharing some of my struggles with her builds me up and makes the rest of the day easier. Work can take a toll on us. But it was easy compared to what the Hebrews were going through. As new Christians, they were being fed to the lions by the Romans and being stoned by the Jews. As you can imagine, this can cause a little pessimism because of all the persecution. My work day seems a little easier by comparison. The writer of Hebrews tells the Hebrews to be confident. As they have accepted Christ, they know how the battle ends; the Christians win, one to nothing.

All of us here may struggle with being a confident Christian. I overheard a table at a restaurant the other day; the woman was saying she was getting married and asked one of the 3 guys if he was thinking about marrying his girlfriend. He said, “Why would I want to do that? It’s just a ring and it’ll just cost me a lot of money.” Perfect opportunity to speak up about God’s plan for a man and a woman to cleave and become one flesh and how Christ treats His church is our model for how a husband should treat his wife. And… I just sat there. Part of it, of course, is because I inadvertently eavesdropped, but a bigger part, if I am to be honest, is that speaking up uninvited to a table of strangers was intimidating, scary. What was I afraid of? Was it not God’s plan for all of us that I wanted to share. Was it a lack of confidence?

We profess to be the children of Christ, and among us children we are not afraid to discuss our faith in the Lord. Think back on this last week. Where are places where we could have spoken up, but didn’t? Work? Gym? Grocery store? What keeps us from speaking up? Are we like these early Hebrews, even if the obstacles to sharing God’s word are so much easier to overcome?

We’re going to walk through this part of Hebrews one part at a time and discuss it, so let’s open to Hebrews 10:19-21:

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God,

Dr. Young likes to remind us that when we see a “therefore,” it’s a conclusion for all that came before it. When we see a “therefore,” we ought to remember what it’s there for. The author calls these young Christian Hebrews “brothers,” and reminds them what we have been studying the last 2 months. We’re told to have confidence because Christ is superior to the Old Testament system of offering sacrifices for sin over and over again. Christ’s sacrifice is once and for all sufficient for all of our sins. Confidence to do what?

Hebrews 10:22-25:

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Christians are encouraged to do 5 things, 5 exhortations here -

  • Draw near to God
  • Hold unswervingly to the hope we profess
  • Consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds
  • Don’t give up meeting together
  • Encourage one another

Just like the ancient Hebrews that were questioning the cost of becoming a Christian, the writer tells them they can have confidence by practicing these five simple things.

First exhortation, we draw near to God. We do this in 4 steps -

First step, with a sincere heart. When we come to church to worship the Lord, we must focus on God’s desire for us. We all want to approach God for help; “God please do this for me. God, please give me a promotion at work. God, please make me healthy. God, please smite my enemies, and here’s a list of who they are.” But that’s not a sincere heart. A sincere heart is, “God, please show me your will in my life. Please use me for your glory. Let me be your servant at the job you have provided me. Let me show your glory when you heal me, or let me show the joy in have in you in suffering. God, show me how to turn the other cheek and love my enemies.”

Second step, in full assurance of faith. In full acceptance of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. In full acceptance of the sacrifice Jesus made for *me* personally. I don’t have to seek out a Levite preist and ask him to intervene for me in the holy of holies. Jesus died for me and I can approach him directly. He is my advocate and intercedes for me at the right hand of God. I have confidence knowing that Jesus did these things for me, and knowing how much He must love me.

Third step, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience. When we accept Christ, our sins are forgiven. Are we still walking around like beaten dogs? Goodness knows I can look back on my life and see many, many things I regret. The disrespectful things I’ve said to my parents growing up. The trouble I got into as a youth. The times I’ve cheated and lied. But Christ has forgiven me, and the Lord God says He will remember my sins no more. Why should I continue to remember my sins? Paul tells me in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that if I am in Christ, I am a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come! Why should I walk around defeated? I am free of my guilty conscience and I should live boldly for Christ and stand up to challenges. I don’t have to be embarrassed because I’ve done wrong. I can stand up and proudly say that my Lord has forgiven me. How great is the Lord that can do that!

Let me remind you that for our sins to be forgiven, we must confess those sins and repent or turn away from that sin. When the adulterous woman was brought before Jesus to be stoned, his words to her were “then neither do I condemn you. Go, and sin no more.” Jesus didn’t say her sin was ok with him. He was showing us that we should turn from sin in front of Jesus, and he promises to remember that sin no more.

Fourth step, having our bodies washed with pure water. Think back to the day you first gave your life to Christ. What was one of the first acts of obedience you did as a new Christian? Thats right, you were baptized. The Greek word, baptizo, means to immerse, to plunge, to dip, or be buried in water. Romans 6:3-5,

“Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.”

I believe this “bodies washed with pure water” is an admonishment that we also called to be obedient to God’s word, starting with baptism.

Our second exhortation is to hold unswervingly to the hope we profess. Why? For He who promised is faithful. When we studied Malchizedek a few weeks ago, we studied how God is faithful through the ages. He promised Abraham many children, He promised Israel the Promised Land, and He promised us a savior. When God makes a promise, God fulfils His promise. What is the greatest promise God has given us? The gift of salvation! God has made this promise to us that we know He will fulfill, and because we know this, there is reason for our hope!

What’s our third exhortation? To spur one another towards love and good deeds. Spur us! Craig what happens when you spur a horse? I bet it hurts, and I bet it makes that horse move a whole lot faster, doesn’t it? As children of Christ, I believe God has a purpose for each and everyone of us. When we’re actively involved in the ministries of Christ, God works in us and through us. When we’re praying for the health of someone ill, when we’re volunteering for Angels of Light, when we’re using any of the spiritual gifts of hospitality or mercy or administration or teaching or giving or healing or discernment or whatever, God is working in us.

Remember that parable about the man who gave his servants a sum of money, and one of the servants buried the money for safekeeping? The master was outraged when he found out and took the money away from him and gave it to another that had already doubled the money? Everyone who has, more will be given. Those that have nothing, even that will be taken away from them. And so we are to serve the Lord with the gifts we have been given and spur our brothers and sisters to do the same.

Our fourth exhortation, “Don’t give up meeting together.” Go to church, go to bible study, go to social and mission activities, do things together as Christians. We have strength in numbers and when we’re together we can spur each other towards love and good deeds. When we separate, when we are away from our bothers and sisters, we seem to lose confidence in our faith. That’s why when we’re at work, at the gym, at the grocery store, when we’re next to a table of people saying that marriage is just an expensive ring so why bother, we just sit there without saying anything. We’re told that whenever two or more of us are gathered in His name, Jesus is with us, so let’s remember that when we’re making our plans for the week.

Our fifth exhortation is the encourage one another. Notice how positive this message is. It doesn’t say, “Criticize and backbate each other when you don’t think they’re doing a good job.” It doesn’t say, “if you don’t like a brother, smack them upside the head with a family-edition bible.” We are to be positive, to spur our brothers and sisters towards love, toward good deeds. There’s no room in this exhortation for criticism. There’s a good reason for that, we don’t respond well to criticism. I know I don’t, so don’t even think of starting that with me. Tell a brother how well he is doing something, and you can be sure he’ll do more of it. Positive spurring towards love, positive spurring toward good deeds.

At this point, the writer of Hebrews reminds us in very scary language worthy of Halloween why we are to live our lives this way. Let’s read Hebrews 10:26-31:

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Let’s remember that the writer of Hebrews is talking to Christians. These were recently converted Jews who were considering rejecting Christ in order to go back to being Jews again. So the writer says, “remember all that stuff I told you about Christ being the complete and perfect sacrifice forever and ever? The old system is dead. There is no other way to be saved.”

The Lord’s judgment is perfect. We like how that sounds when we think about evil people like murderers and thieves. When we see “It is mine to avenge, I will repay,” we think, “Alrighty, then Lord, come smite mine enemies, and I want a front row seat!” When we admit that we ourselves are sinners, we’re not too thrilled with the idea of an almighty, all powerful, all seeing omnipotent being determining what sort of judgement we deserve. “Lord, I ain’t so bad. Smite somebody else, will you?” This passage reminds us that Christ died for our sins, but it’s not a free pass to go on sinning. It’s sort of like asking Christ to die for us, over and over, to pay for our continuing sin. Those without the covering blood of Jesus have no hope in salvation, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and raging fire.

When I read this, I am reminded that often we act like part-time Christians. We’re Christian on Sunday, then go home and email some raunchy joke to a friend. We’re Christian on Sunday, then say something critical about our spouse when he or she is out of earshot. We’re Christian on Sunday, then cuss at a co-worker and take the Lord’s name in vain. We’re part time Christians. Matthew 7:13-14 says,

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

How narrow is this gate? Why do we continually try to see what we can get away with, instead of trying our hardest to walk dead-center down that narrow road? How do we walk down the middle of the road? By continually re-examining our thoughts, actions, and words to be in line with God’s will.

The last part of this chapter of Hebrews returns to an encouraging note again, Hebrews 10:32-34:

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.

These are some of the light and momentary afflictions we Christians can expect if we are to boldly proclaim the good news of Christ. These Hebrews stood their ground in the face of suffering, insulted, persecuted. They joyfully accepted the confiscation of their property. Joyfully? I suppose once you come to grips with the fact that you can’t take it with you, then you can be joyous. You don’t get to keep in anyway.

Let’s conclude with Hebrews 10:35-39

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while,
“He who is coming will come and will not delay.
But my righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back,
I will not be pleased with him.”
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

If we are confident in our faith in Jesus, we will be richly rewarded. If we persevere by doing the will of God, we will receive our salvation. We can be confident because we know our eternal destination has been promised to us. We should be confident – we have direct access to God through Jesus. Romans 8:31, if God is for us, who can be against us? And Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

The most stirring example of confidence I can find in the bible is the story of David and Goliath. I got to see the statue of David in the city of Florence Italy several years back by Michelangelo. You know, until that trip, I had no idea that statue of David was the same David that faced Goliath. And when I saw the statue up close and saw the sling over David’s back, it finally dawned on me. Goliath and David faced each other and Goliath was thinking to himself, “What the heck is this little fellow doing? He’s naked as a jaybird!” *Thwack* he gets nailed in the forehead by a rock.

In 1 Samuel 17, the Philistines lined up for war on one hill, and Saul and the Israelites were on the other. Neither side wanted to go first because they’d have to run down into the valley and would be target for the archers on the other side. Then Goliath of the Philistines came out to challenge them. Verse 4, and I’m going to use the version from The Message –

A giant nearly ten feet tall stepped out from the Philistine line into the open, Goliath from Gath. He had a bronze helmet on his head and was dressed in armor — 126 pounds of it! He wore bronze shin guards and carried a bronze sword. His spear was like a fence rail — the spear tip alone weighed over fifteen pounds. His shield bearer walked ahead of him.

Goliath stood there and called out to the Israelite troops, “Why bother using your whole army? Am I not Philistine enough for you? And you’re all committed to Saul, aren’t you? So pick your best fighter and pit him against me. If he gets the upper hand and kills me, the Philistines will all become your slaves. But if I get the upper hand and kill him, you’ll all become our slaves and serve us. I challenge the troops of Israel this day. Give me a man. Let us fight it out together!”

When Saul and his troops heard the Philistine’s challenge, they were terrified and lost all hope.

No confidence. Terrified at the giant before them and ready to give up. David shows up at this point, just in time to hear Goliath’s challenge, and volunteers to fight. They tried to put armor on him, but it was too heavy and David could hardly walk. So he took all the armor off. I don’t know if he was naked, but he didn’t have any armor on him. Instead, he picks up 5 smooth stones.

When he walks toward Goliath, Goliath taunts him again. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll make roadkill of you for the buzzards. I’ll turn you into a tasty morsel for the field mice.”

David didn’t shrink back. David answered,

“You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax. I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel’s troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I’m about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there’s an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn’t save by means of sword or spear. The battle belongs to God—he’s handing you to us on a platter!”

God blessed David for the confidence David had in God. We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. For Christ, I think I can, I think I can, I know I can.

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Help Us Jon Cary We R Stuk in Irak

Posted on November 1, 2006. Filed under: Iraq War, Politics | Tags: , , , , , |

Cary Help us in Irak

Yup, that just about killed John Kerry’s chances of being President in 2008. First he insulted the troops, saying that if you’re stupid you get stuck in Iraq. Then, instead of apologizing, he went on the offensize and blamed Bush, even though Bush had nothing to do with Kerry’s statement. Then Kerry claimed it was a botched joke (which no doubt is Bush’s fault, too).

So now Kerry can apologize ineffectively (ineffective because it’ll look like he was pressured into it), and it’ll be an apology that’ll impress nobody. Conservatives won’t care, liberals will think Kerry’s weak. Or he can not apologize in which case moderates will think Kerry is just rude and stupid. That pretty much dug his hole. If he runs for President in 2008, he won’t make it past the first 3 weeks of the primaries.

Update: John Kerry has apologized for this:

You know, education–if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, uh, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.

As far as I know, he still hasn’t apologized for this fropm 1971:

They had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the country side of South Vietnam in addition to the normal ravage of war, and the normal and very particular ravaging which is done by the applied bombing power of this country.

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Pink Panther Returns

Posted on March 16, 2006. Filed under: Movies and TV | Tags: , , , , , |

I wrote last month about how I’m having trouble enjoying Hollywood movies and critiqued the latest Pink Panther movie as an example. Needless sexual entendre and poorly implemented slapstick spoiled what could have been a funny movie.

The American Spectator today agrees:

In addition to that first tedious scene of Clouseau trying to park a ridiculously small Smart Car in a space big enough for a Humvee, the movie includes a lot of unnecessary references: Viagra jokes, allusions to Internet porn and sex, and a few extremely graphic — but fully clothed — sex antics. Despite these elements, the film is still rated a mere PG and, if the previews of animation films and ads for McDonald’s are any indication, it is being targeted at a very young audience, namely children ten and under. It’s an adult-themed film being sold to children, an indication of a substantial error in marketing and production.

The article is excellent and gives examples of how today’s sexual jokes are blatant and crude compared to the intellectual humor regarding sex in past Hollywood movies.

The new film will no doubt prove an “it’ll do” DVD rental or airplane movie; but the script, the lewd humor, and perhaps our own time, will never allow the actors to make a real Pink Panther movie: something witty, sexy, and extremely funny. Without at least two of these elements, a comedy can hardly been a box office success.

If you want to watch a Pink Panther film, skip the new one and buy or rent the originals. For those who appreciate the occasional cocktail, by all means sip away as you watch and laugh. These films, especially the earlier films, provided a way for adults to laugh at themselves. And if children happened to be watching, as was the case when I was growing up, the innuendos and humor convinces them all the more that adults are simply a strange breed and not nearly so reasonable as a child.

Are there any “adult” movies anymore that do not include gratuitous sex and/or violence scenes? Are there any movies at the theater today that are worth watching?

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Best Blonde Joke Ever

Posted on January 13, 2006. Filed under: Fun Stuff | Tags: , |

Found this over at The Insomniac. Best blonde joke ever.

Tell me what you think. :)

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Dilbert Blog

Posted on November 16, 2005. Filed under: Odd Websites, The Blog | Tags: , , , , , , |

Scott Adams, author of the comic strip Dilbert, has started a blog. And if you thought his comic strips were off-the-wall, his random daily brain wheezes will surely convince you. Today’s entry, “Blogging Under the Influence:

Today I am whacked out on pain killers because yesterday I had surgery to correct my deviated septum. I didn’t ask a lot of questions about the procedure but I can deduce most of the details based on the way I feel today. Apparently doctors shove a starving wolverine into one nostril, where it scratches and eats until it hits brain. Then they pull him out by his tail. Nurses stop the bleeding by packing each nostril with a queen size mattress that is carefully wrapped around a wino.

Prior to the surgery, I wasn’t worried, at least until I had an unfortunate nose-related dream. In my dream, the surgery was finished and I was admiring my highly functional nose in the mirror. It processed air perfectly but it looked somehow different. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it. Eventually I noticed: I had one huge nostril where before I had two smaller ones. Call it a uni-nostril if you must.

Now I sit here, my brain half functional, my lower ganglia stinking of wolverine breath, wondering if beneath the bandages I have one nostril or two. In my dream, the uni-nostril looked sleek and modern. The only downside I could think of is that this is exactly the sort of thing that can earn you a nickname for life, such as Nostrildamus or Snout Adams.

And if anyone ever used the phrase “I need that like I need a hole in the head,” I would just tilt up my head, flare my huge nostril and say, “You got that right.” Then I would laugh at my own joke until I snorted an entire sandwich and a bag of chips out of my nose hole.

I really shouldn’t be operating a keyboard.

I added him to the blogroll for daily reading, for who can resist a blog about wolverines in their nose?

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Progressive Christianity

Posted on July 28, 2005. Filed under: Faith, Politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I’m convinced the liberal left is working on a new tactic – to claim christianity for themselves. That’s right, if you believe in the right to have an abortion, they’re working on scripture interpretation to support it. Gay marriage? They push a “God is Love” approach that allows homosexuality and completely skip over the “homosexuality is bad” scripture. Whatever you want to do, they will say God approves it.

These new “progressive Christians” are insisting that it’s the liberal left that has a claim on Christianity, and any claim by the religious right is in error. From a link at Jesus Politics comes this article, The lame joke of progressive Christianity.

Are you a proponent of abortion and gay rights? Want to get in touch with your inner-sodomite, but can’t reconcile it with those bigoted Bible lessons you were taught in Sunday school? No problem, there is a place for you among a free-thinking community of leftists where, indeed, it is possible to advocate such practices and still call yourself a faithful follower of Christ. Adherents of this new, enlightened form of Christianity are sure to take the Bible “seriously but not literally.” That is, they respect the holy book but are by no means bound by what it actually says, or even what it implies. Like our Constitution, I guess one could say that the Bible has become a living document to be twisted and manipulated at will.

The “progressive” christians are for higher taxes under the umbrella of “economic justice for all” and criticize conservative fiscal policies as being incompatible with scripture. Take it from the rich give it to the poor by excessive taxation is their motto. Does that fulfill Christian scripture? The New Testamament is about giving willingly, not taking it from others by law and distributing it, but the “progressive” see it differently.

Moreover, long subjugated by the “powerful political machine” of right-wingers, Christians on the left are finally speaking out about what they see as a “clash of competing Christian values.” Yes, that’s right — abortionists, socialists, and sodomites are now in a perceived tug-of-war with fundamentalist conservatives for the heart of Christianity.

That’s right, don’t resist whatever sin you face – embrace it publically for all the world to see! Dang blasted conservative christians always telling people to repent – what’s up with that?

Don’t be fooled. This is a Christianity rooted not in the Scriptural truths of God, but in the personal predilections of Man. It is no alternative to salvation. The simple fact is that the “narrow gate” is narrow by design and every one of us has a particular cross to bear on our way through it — some admittedly heavier and more burdensome than others. Nonetheless, we are all called with equal ardor to the house of brotherhood and grace.

John Kerry bumbled this attempt during the 2004 election, but Hillary Clinton is perfecting her message now to be able to twist scripture in a way to promote radical feminism, environmentalism, gay marriage, whatever liberals want. She’ll have it ready by 2008.

Want to see an example of this progressive Christianity in action? Check out this Bill McKibben article The Christian Paradox in yesterday’s Harper’s online magazine – while under the guise of stirring Christians into action, the article spends most of its energy bashing the religious right for failing in their attempts or for not having done enough – when it’s “progressives” like the author that oppose the agenda of the religious right. They oppose the religious right’s teaching of abstinence in school, then complain teenage pregnancy is up. They complain about the divorce rate rising yet are silent on the numbers of people that choose to cohabitate without getting married. They complain about poverty yet oppose faith based initiatives.

Update: Christian CADRE has a lengthy response to the Christian Paradox article that’s well worth reading from a conservative Christian apologetics viewpoint.

2 Timothy 3:2-5
Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

Matthew 7:15-16
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.

I wonder if progressive christians realize their viewpoint is almost identical to the non-christians?

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