As we all know by now, Congress failed to pass the Bailout Bill on Monday for $700 billion (a number, apparently, the US Treasury just made up). If they pass it, they saddle taxpayers with the debt and socialize the banking system. If they don’t pass it, they tell us civilization will end as we know it and we enter the Next Great Depression.

Are those the only two options? Great Depression versus Socialism?

So what was wrong with version of the bailout that didn’t pass? Tonight, Congress will attempt to pass a revised version, so let’s see what they added (via)-

New Tax earmarks in Bailout bill
– Film and Television Productions (Sec. 502)
– Wooden Arrows designed for use by children (Sec. 503)
– 6 page package of earmarks for litigants in the 1989 Exxon Valdez incident, Alaska (Sec. 504)

Tax earmark “extenders” in the bailout bill.
– Virgin Island and Puerto Rican Rum (Section 308)
– American Samoa (Sec. 309)
– Mine Rescue Teams (Sec. 310)
– Mine Safety Equipment (Sec. 311)
– Domestic Production Activities in Puerto Rico (Sec. 312)
– Indian Tribes (Sec. 314, 315)
– Railroads (Sec. 316)
– Auto Racing Tracks (317)
– District of Columbia (Sec. 322)
– Wool Research (Sec. 325)

Ah. Obviously, Socialized Banking will be much more palatable if we buy more Puerto Rican rum. American Samoans and Indian Tribes who will be receiving earmarks will be happy to know that Puerto Rican rum will be cheaper. And Nascar, while they didn’t get beer subsidies, got some help with auto racing tracks.

I think, though, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that there are now earmarks for wooden arrows designed for use by children. I assume that the children from Indian tribes will be provided with wooden arrows and Puerto Rican rum, then told to drive around a race track and shoot each other while drunk. There’s money in there, too, for Film and Television to make it into a movie.

That alone justifies eliminating capitalism and socializing the western banking world. The bill should pass now.