Chasing the Wind

Satire, wit, political commentary… I am most amused this morning with the “The Rise of Hate Radio” article at “BlameBush!” Don’t let the name of the website scare you away – it’s fiercely conservative but full of satire, pretending to blame Bush for all the world’s ills, possibly including hair loss and people who talk loudly in theaters. A clip:

In the old days, your average Cro-Magnon con would crawl out of his bourgeois cave in the suburbs every morning and give a friendly wave to his progressive neighbor, who was out of work but enjoying the day relaxing in his hammock and listening to the ball game. He’d catch the bus to his job, put in a full 8 hour shift, then shuffle home with the portion of his paycheck the benevolent government allowed him to keep. He’d wave to his progressive neighbor – who was still relaxing in his hammock – and then prepare to do some yardwork.

The conservative enjoyed his yardwork, even with the 95 cents per foot Lawn Modification Fee he paid each year to provide free landscaping for his unemployed neighbor. He’d open his garage to retrieve his lawnmower, and then suddenly remember that he hocked it to pay off the Lawn Tax. No matter, he could hardly afford the 50 cents a gallon gas tax the state imposed in order to provide free hammocks for his unemployed neighbor anyway. So he’d trim his lawn by hand, with a pair of scissors. It wouldn’t be too difficult, for although he was expected to pay property tax on all of his land, he was only allowed to make improvements on 10% of it – pending an environmental review and a $200 lawn modification permit.

So our complacent conservative would drop to his knees and prepare to clip the remaining two blades of grass he was still legally permitted to cut, when a man from the city’s Bureau of Lawn Management would appear and slap him with a $500 fine for damaging the breeding grounds of the endangered three-toed lawn frog, which lived about 15 miles away but needed a 50 mile radius of undeveloped land or else it got really cranky. He’d also get nailed with a $200 fine for violating a local ordinance against allowing his lawn to grow too long, a $150 fine for leaving his garage door open, plus a $25 sin tax on the scissors to keep his disadvantaged neighbor supplied with those fruity cocktails with the tiny umbrellas in them. The con might get a little miffed. Perhaps he would even feel the urge to complain. But then his friendly neighbor would chide him for being selfish and greedy.

“Have you no compassion, you heartless repug?” he’d ask.

So, our cro-mag con would quietly resign himself to paying his fair share. He’d drink a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, beat up his wife, then pass out on the floor of his cave until it was time to obediently catch the bus back to work again.

Voila! Democracy!

The Cro-Magnon goes on to discover Talk Radio and finds he is not alone. Excellent satire, go read the rest of it.