Vending machines are evil. One vending machine forced me to buy sunflower seeds, even though I don’t like sunflower seeds. The secretary still thinks I’ve lost it, and I still don’t want to talk about it.
Another time a vending machine forced me to buy pink lemonade Snapple, and I hate pink lemondade Snapple. I was actually trying to buy Zoo animal crackers out of a completely different machine, but it was out of change. I had this bright idea to put a dollar in the Coke machine next to it and hit the change return and see if I could get a dollar’s worth of change.
Of course not. Pfft. Once it had my money, it’s keeping it, and it’s going to force me to buy something. So I press the Diet Coke button… and it’s sold out. I’m going to have to buy something else.
Hmmm… I suppose I could buy a Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple as a second choice. I push the button… and out comes a Pink Lemonade Snapple. Demons! The button doesn’t match the product. Defeated in my attempt to buy Zoo animal crackers, I slink away, dejected, with my Pink Sissy Lemonade.
And now the vending machines have developed chemical weapons! Vending machines are evil! Evil, I tell you!
HOUSTON (Reuters) – An exploding vending machine turned the coolant freon into phosgene, a poisonous gas used as a chemical weapon in World War One, and forced the evacuation of 10 people from a Texas hospital, officials said on Thursday.
Chasing the Wind 
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