Professional Snorer

Except for the part where I can’t figure out how to get paid for it, I could snore professionally.

I should have kept y’all up-to-date along the way, but I didn’t. C’est la vie.

I snore when I’m on my back… and my side. Even on my stomach. If I slept hanging from my ankles from the ceiling like a bat, I’d still snore. There’s no such thing as poking me to make me stop, or rolling me over, I’m just going to keep right on snoring.

The first thing I tried was the Breathe Right nasal strips and throat spray. The strips across my nose felt funny peeling off in the morning, the throat spray tasted like cough medicine. But still I snored.

I visited the doctor who prescribed steroids. Since the snoring is caused by soft skin in the nose and throat vibrating against each other, steroids will toughen up that skin so it’s less likely to vibrate. Ha, another feeble attempt to inhibit my snoring.

I saw an otolaryngologist – an ear, nose and throat specialist – who wanted to carve out all my mucus membranes with a carving knife. She said it would be painful, expensive, not covered by insurance, and I’d probably still snore afterwards. Yuck.

I went to the dentist and got a SilentNite mouthguard. I felt funny driving around with a model of my own teeth and mouth in the car. The mouthguard is supposed to keep my jaw forward in a position that inhibits snoring. Ha. I put the mouthpiece in and snored all night long. I’m going to head back to the dentist and see if any adjustments can be made.

Other than continued weight loss, which I’ve been doing, I’m running out of ideas. At least I don’t snore when I’m awake.

14 thoughts on “Professional Snorer”

  1. If you find something that works, let me know. Sleeping with Rob is like sleeping with a buzz saw in the bed. In a totally non-slicing way, of course.

    I had a co-worker who had some sort of surgery on his uvula to stop his snoring. Sounded odd but he said it worked.

    Have you been tested for sleep apnea?


  2. I say that my snoring is no bother to me, it’s Carmen’s problem.
    (and then I have to sleep outside).

    I was sleeping in dormitory conditions while overseas for about six months. I was really confused in the mornings because I would wake with shoes, books, pens and penils, etc in my bed. “Man,” I said “I must have been really tired last night to ignore all these things and then sleep on top of them”.

    Turns out my bunk mates were tossing items at my head to wake me up so they could rush to sleep before I started again. This event kept me curious for about two weeks. Then, I had the room to myself….problem solved. 😉


  3. I haven’t been tested for apnea. The test alone was $250 after insurance. Blech.

    I’m trying this SilentNite guard now, I just had the settings changed at lunch today. They have a video at .

    And the bible tells me to treat my wife as part of my own body, so her needs are my needs. And besides, I don’t want to sleep outside during mosquito season. 😛


  4. Like……If your eye offends you – pluck it out… type of verse?

    I don’t think Diane would agree to that. 🙂


  5. I am so with you on this. I get the nudge and the heartfelt plea to “role over” nightly. I have found the only thing that helps me is, as you point out, to lose some weight. Right now I am above the snore-threshold and am receiving proper encouragement to regain the momentum to shed a bit more 😉


  6. The SilentNite mouthguard seems to be working so far – almost no snoring in 4 days. Drawbacks are sore teeth in the morning and decidedly unromantic frankenstein look in the evening, but hey, I’m quiet now. Sort of.


  7. No, Michael does not look like Hannibal with his mouthguard. Actually you would never notice it unless he has to talk for some reason – now that’s funny! (Sorry Micheal, just having a little harmless fun with this).
    I agree with Jeff that the weight loss is the most significant factor, not to mention the safest and most natural remedy.
    I’m proud of both of you for your continued weight loss efforts.


  8. Ha…that reminds me of when you had your wisdom teeth out and Paul and I came to visit you…you looked like a chipmonk, your mom had ordered pizza for dinner, and you were determined to eat it even though you couldn’t chew. You talked like you had a bag full of marbles in your mouth then, too. Whacky fun.


  9. Wacky fun for who? 😡

    I had a miserable experience with my wisdom teeth extraction, probably compounded by sucking on that milkshake through a straw and busting out all my stitches.


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